Lillies

Lillies waiting for me as I come home to Are in Tehran...

In between novels

When you meet your new friends all the weight is in your right hand. Page by page, as your new friends grow into old and beloved friends, this weight steadily shifts to your left hand. With the pack of pages in the right hand becoming thinner, my reading pace becomes slower.

I've become so involved with some of the hero's and heroine's that i don't like the idea of saying goodbye to them yet. Sure, i want to know the rest of the story, but nearing the last page, a goodbye, always gives me mixed feelings.

Hurray for the saga's! Knowing that the story continues in a new novel, reuniting with old friends, eases the sorrow. (I think we have one more Harry Potter to come) Until you get to the end of the saga. I've spent about four thousand pages with Jamie and Claire. The end was sweet; satisfying, but there's always room for more. There's no more coming, but i can always visit my friends if i want. I keep my books, my friends, as treasures. (Of course, I have my own Jamie now)

What happened to Sugar after the last page of the Crimson Petal and the white, nobody knows. Not even the author of her story, as he so claims in one of his spin-offs. Even though he warned me at the start of the book, i kept hoping for a glimpse of my heroine.

Oh well, a novel is an up rounded story. A life time, not a life. People come and people go, their stories with them. You share in an adventure, emotional and psychological development. And when the time is there, you go your own way. I feel a sense of gratitude for knowing about a part of that life, as it is with my friends in real life.

I can never start immediately with reading a new novel, with new characters, new potential friends. I have to get used to the new writing style of a different author and a new setting. When i start a new book too shortly after the last one, i keep looking of the same ambiance, looking for my friends. You could see that it feels a little bit like a betrayal to my old friends, too.

Closing a book after the last page, is like leaving your holiday destination. It is out of sight, there are no new encounters, but it is still in your veins. And it takes some time to wear off that feeling of connection. You try to hold on to the joy you experienced, the flavours and the scenes and scenery. Sometimes it keeps feeding your thoughts long after you've left or finished reading. You could always go back, but you seldom do.

There is a time for everything. You cherish it all and make it yours, until it is time for the next thing on your path. At this moment I am in between novels (what a nice metaphor again) and suffering from a severe cold, embracing both. Is this my fever talking?

Great Reads

Games

I keep track on the headlines on Iran with the international news stations. Not a day goes by that Iran is not in the news. Tension rising up and down, never a dull day you would say.

However, if you don't make an effort of keeping track, you will not notice anything in Iran's daily life. As westerners, we are more cautious and think about what might happen. At the same time, we try not to let those thoughts influence our life in Iran.

I guess it's worse not being in Iran, but still reading about it. And for the laste two weeks, new headlines appeared every few hours. Normally i would just go out in Tehran and feel that everything is ok. Can't do that security sense check right now.

But even with the sailor's drama making Iran hot news, i have no feeling of fear that anything bad will happen. Of course, i have to be realistic, and i am not a fortune teller either, but i feel that things will be ok. Noting, that I can only sense for our own situation.

For those of you that have no clue on what i'm talking about, i advise you to read the Iran files. No, just kidding. Just read the article behind the link below. It will give you a briefing on what's going on and what might happen, without getting into all the details. What an interesting game we are playing here...

Al Jazeera headline: Iran strikes blow in propagande war

Three Thousand Years of Persian Art

For those of you interested in Persian historical art, the Hermitage in Amsterdam is exhibiting Three Thousand Years of Persian Art. (until mid September of this year)

Get a glimpse of Iranian history, one of the cradles of western civilisation, in a secure environment ;-)

Anyone want to join me?

Amsterdam Tourism

Permission to land

My plane flew into Dutch territorial air space nicely on time, which is not very typically Iranian, but in the end we arrived at the airport with a big delay to make up for that. Iranians seem to have a problem with recognising borders, so that could have been the reason that we circled in the air for two and half hours between Amsterdam airport and Germany. But is was fog hanging over the so securely organised Amsterdam that messed with clear sight and could not give us permission to land.

Funny how you follow the flight-track on screen when you mentally prepare for the plane to descend; you come close to destination and then turn around, fly back towards where you came from, make another circle, come close again to destination and then again turn around. We did that about five times. As if we couldn't decide; eager to go to Amsterdam, but also drawn back to Tehran. I was hoping we were carrying enough fuel to reach our destination, or to go back, but not needing to land somewhere in between.

It's been two weeks now, since i've arrived in NL. It's lovely to see everybody but it has also been strange to be here. Everything is how it was, right where i left it, i've only been away for 6 weeks, and still it is a little weird. I looked forward to come here for a bit, but it's working out quite differently from what i expected. There is nothing wrong here in NL, i still love it, just something missing.

I'm not restless or worried, but thinking that it will be like this for the coming period does not exactly bring a smile to my face. Off and on, here and there, rolling nicely and then on a halt. I feel blessed that I can have a bit of both worlds, but my landing here in NL has been shaky. And that influences my daily on-goings, rhythm and body. In one of my previous postings i wondered if it was the right time to go back to NL, have an involuntary break in this wonderful growing life in Iran. It's no point wondering, the fact is here.

Of course, they have phones and internet in Iran too, maybe the lines are not all too reliable, but we can communicate, most of the time. So growing has not stopped. Actually, in this time apart the need to work on it seems to feel stronger. What we're working continues in the same intensity, only not in each others presence, which makes it harder. We have to work our daily life apart too, but being apart makes you want to be together even more.

I make it sound as if life is heavy duty. It is not. It is amazingly beautiful. This love. The overall feeling is the bright flame in my heart, with the wonderful sense of faith and knowing. But this distance and the switching makes it so very intense. And with that, all happenings and steps have more impact then maybe in a more 'normal' situation.

I can not see why these periods apart on this distance should be necessary. This time i'm not trying very hard to embrace the pain. I'm sure there is a lesson in this; trust in the future, being patient, not controlling, have no fear, bla bla bla. But my focus is not on the future. I know that will all be good; sense of faith and knowing. My focus is on the now.

Maybe the lesson here is the use of the law of choices. This is our situation, choose how to deal with it, choose how to change it. The time apart is here, use this period to make sure it doesn't have to be repeated too many times. No need to keep circling in mid air, head for destination. Yay, i think i have figured it out! And it sounds very logical all of a sudden. Okay, now i'm starting to like learning again. Let's see if i can get a line with my love in Iran. Requesting, permission to land...

NL-Dian

First day back in NL: had my sandwich with raw herring, had my Special K with Belgian chocolate curls, had my salad with smoked salmon, had my cracker with jong belegen kaas...
My day is filled around food?? Seems like it. It's not that i have been starving in Iran, on the contrary (don't laugh Are). There's some 'too delicious' food there and i have been eating well ;-)
Glad to say that i did another typical NL-Dian thing today: A long walk on the beach keeping up with Nordic mama...

Evaluation

When i came to Iran a little more than five weeks ago, i felt it was, again, something new. I say 'again' because everything has been new since... well actually, everything always is new. Lets say that it felt as a new step in something that has been growing for a while.I was excited and confident, yet very much aware that it was going to be an intense time. Not only starting a life with Are, but also starting life in a new country.

When i left for Doha two years ago, it felt like an adventure, knowing that it was a temporary thing, that after a while i would be living in NL again. It went smoothly and i had a great time there.Coming to Iran, even though i only had visa for 45 days, knowing that i would have to go back to NL after that, it felt so much more definite.And it seemed to have two reasons.

Since i came back to NL last summer, i've grown so much closer to my friends and family. Not only did i spend more time withthe people i love, the people that mean so much to me. I feel that i have opened up more, that the connections were more deepened,that there was such wonderful sharing. It was beautiful. I feel that this time i was leaving so much more behind, or as Esther rephrased that 'that i'm taking more with me'.

The other reason is that i realised that Iran is the first stop in this new life. After Iran there will most likely be a new project for Are, in a new country, with a new culture, in which ever corner of the world. And start over again from scratch every time. Of course i will come back to NL, but not to live permanently, at least not within the coming few years. Sounds exciting, but it's not always easy.

Yes, it has been an intense time. I had to find my way in a new city, find my way in social life, fill in my days and start life with Are. I did my Reiki Master Practitioner course just before i left for Iran. I had to find my way in that new state of being too. The first few weeks i really needed the time to myself, and i had plenty of that. But now i'm starting to miss the personal contact, the personal interaction. Not only do i miss my friends and family, i haven't built a social life in Iran yet.

But it has mostly been wonderful. This time with Are, just be together, hanging out, going out. I've learned so much, not just from my study books. About myself, who i am, about life, about what i want, about Are, about us. Iran is an interesting country itself, even staying in, i have never had a boring day. I love being here, i've been working hard, enjoying even more. Yes, it's wonderful, life is wonderful.

Tonight i'm flying back to NL, fleeing Norooz, have a medical treatment, renew my visa, staying until after Easter. I'm so looking forward to see my friends again, being able to hang out, drink coffee (or hot water in my case), the long chats. My girls!

On the other hand, i ask myself if the timing is right. I've just come out of my cocooning period, should start to go out more and start create a social life if i want to be able to make it here. And i will miss Are very much. Is it good to be apart for a month when we are just starting? We're just setting a foundation, should we not build on it now? Is this the time to leave home? I wonder...