Permission to land

My plane flew into Dutch territorial air space nicely on time, which is not very typically Iranian, but in the end we arrived at the airport with a big delay to make up for that. Iranians seem to have a problem with recognising borders, so that could have been the reason that we circled in the air for two and half hours between Amsterdam airport and Germany. But is was fog hanging over the so securely organised Amsterdam that messed with clear sight and could not give us permission to land.

Funny how you follow the flight-track on screen when you mentally prepare for the plane to descend; you come close to destination and then turn around, fly back towards where you came from, make another circle, come close again to destination and then again turn around. We did that about five times. As if we couldn't decide; eager to go to Amsterdam, but also drawn back to Tehran. I was hoping we were carrying enough fuel to reach our destination, or to go back, but not needing to land somewhere in between.

It's been two weeks now, since i've arrived in NL. It's lovely to see everybody but it has also been strange to be here. Everything is how it was, right where i left it, i've only been away for 6 weeks, and still it is a little weird. I looked forward to come here for a bit, but it's working out quite differently from what i expected. There is nothing wrong here in NL, i still love it, just something missing.

I'm not restless or worried, but thinking that it will be like this for the coming period does not exactly bring a smile to my face. Off and on, here and there, rolling nicely and then on a halt. I feel blessed that I can have a bit of both worlds, but my landing here in NL has been shaky. And that influences my daily on-goings, rhythm and body. In one of my previous postings i wondered if it was the right time to go back to NL, have an involuntary break in this wonderful growing life in Iran. It's no point wondering, the fact is here.

Of course, they have phones and internet in Iran too, maybe the lines are not all too reliable, but we can communicate, most of the time. So growing has not stopped. Actually, in this time apart the need to work on it seems to feel stronger. What we're working continues in the same intensity, only not in each others presence, which makes it harder. We have to work our daily life apart too, but being apart makes you want to be together even more.

I make it sound as if life is heavy duty. It is not. It is amazingly beautiful. This love. The overall feeling is the bright flame in my heart, with the wonderful sense of faith and knowing. But this distance and the switching makes it so very intense. And with that, all happenings and steps have more impact then maybe in a more 'normal' situation.

I can not see why these periods apart on this distance should be necessary. This time i'm not trying very hard to embrace the pain. I'm sure there is a lesson in this; trust in the future, being patient, not controlling, have no fear, bla bla bla. But my focus is not on the future. I know that will all be good; sense of faith and knowing. My focus is on the now.

Maybe the lesson here is the use of the law of choices. This is our situation, choose how to deal with it, choose how to change it. The time apart is here, use this period to make sure it doesn't have to be repeated too many times. No need to keep circling in mid air, head for destination. Yay, i think i have figured it out! And it sounds very logical all of a sudden. Okay, now i'm starting to like learning again. Let's see if i can get a line with my love in Iran. Requesting, permission to land...